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Coma Recovery Association, Inc.
When a person goes into a coma the impact on the family can be devastating. Family members quickly become aware of changes that have begun to occur. Family members don’t even know when things will stabilize because of the uncertainty surrounding it. Why is it difficult to deal with a person in a coma? Your loved one is not the same. Changes have taken place. There is no way of knowing what the future will hold. Personality, abilities, and mannerisms may be different. For the family, some of the normal day-to-day routines may be abandoned. Former pleasures in life may be temporarily sacrificed. Needs may not be met. As a result, the family experiences much emotional, physical, and financial stress. Individuals work through a few stages in the process of adjusting to a serious problem. Understanding these stages can help family members to be aware of the process of adjustments. Let’s briefly outline the stages. The first stage is denial. Family members usually have difficulty believing that such a thing could happen. Numbness and denial may help family members deal with the shock of what has happened. The second stage is anger and frustration. After the shock wears off, family members become angry. This leads to feelings of frustration, especially if nothing can be done to help the situation. The fact that the future is unclear simply magnifies the emotions felt at this time. Expressions of anger often are directed towards medical personnel, or other individuals (or situations) who may be seen as being somewhat responsible for the coma. The third stage is depression or withdrawal. Anger and frustration may be unresolved, and leads to a feeling of resignation. There seems to be nothing else that can be done and it’s just a question of time. During this period of time, family members may withdraw from other relatives or friends, social activities may decrease, and day-to-day existence may simply be fulfilling normal responsibilities. Physical problems may result from loss of appetite, lack of sleep, or ongoing emotional distress. The fourth stage is acceptance. Hopefully, after a period of time, the family member will be able to accept what has happened (that doesn’t mean like it). This is more difficult when medical prognoses is still unclear. Why is acceptance the desired outcome? It is necessary in order for the family to be able to move on with their lives and, as such, provide the best possible support for their loved one.
Robert H. Phillips, Ph.D., Psychologist This article was last published in our April-May 1986 Newsletter.
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